8.31.2009----8.31.2010

so i found a page today in our journal blank except for the upper left hand corner it said 8.31.09

oh did my brain go a wandering...where were you a year ago today..where was i.

so many places we have been in between....and today is so wonderful for me..and i know then was to a point as well but not like now..now i am freer healthier happier and so much content with my life and my choices. oi. amen aho..thank god.

i have been very busy tonight...buzzzzzz oh the last few days..week. wowo....doing so much, plannin so much -networking and connecting all to make tomorrow bee a perfect day no matter how crazy it may be...it will be wonderful!

i was watching the live feed from the burn today...so funn to hear Toms voice on the radio...yup good radio voice! hearing him i wonder how far away you are.

i do hope your Tuesday has been wonderful ....mine has been a whirlwind..of planning, and rushing and brain storming and even making scaverner hunts for others! ie..a very good day. even got to spend time chatting with your sister..i really like when she pops in and we IM.

i do so look forward to our next encounter...missing my moon, my man.

soon!

mars the moon and my man

i have not been writing here much while you have been gone....cuz i am writing some place else...yes ...there in our journal. its been calling me in wonderful ways. i have to stop myself cuz i could fill i have so much to write about..but i'm not gonna fill it...until we go together and get a new one at least!!

so you the moon and mars over playa is what i think about at night...i hope it is as beautiful as i imagine...im sure it is more so!
did you make it to the hot springs... i so love them there!!

rainbows and moon beams

last year July i heard this song during ceremony. it made me cry so hard for what i was doing and the path i was asking to take. i have cried deep tearful sorrowful cries Everytime ive heard it since for that was when i asked for my heart for find a place for you somewhere besides where it was in the front and in the center. oh the lessons i have learned from that request, that arrogant not well formed request i asked of my heart, my heart which took so long to open and love freely i ignorantly asked for it to not love, what was i thinking...be careful what you wish for because you may have your request granted...oh and i will forever regret that request....forever. the time it has taken me to thin the threads of my requests that weekend and open fully to you has been long, oh so long. too long and your patience has been tested time and time again.

but i knew weeks ago as the anniversary of that date approached that i was in a new, better place. and last night i was at home having a wonderful evening full of energy and love and talking to you as you traveled to playa.. then i heard that ukulele come across on the marley pandora station.

I know THAT song, for it is ingrained and etched on my soul, it Is the song from my visit with grandmother and as it played it did not strike that cord inside me of sadness as it has every time since a year ago..no this time i knew it meant something so different... it washed over me with love and happiness and amazing thoughts of the full moon that night i heard it and of the moon last night. i stared at the moon that July night and closed myself to the moon, i felt i had to as she represented a part of my heart. a part i shared with you.

When you came back so did the moon, slowly and over time she has grown in my life again. i am so grateful i am open to her again; to her rhythmic motions, her guidance, her light, her waves..her love. i am so grateful we share her nightly on this realm and others.

Last night my heart swelled listening to that song...as i thought of you. I dreamt of a huge full rainbow last night...and in that dream i stopped us so we could enjoy it. i so can not wait 2 listen to that song with you, and start following all the rainbows in our life.

til then i share it all with the moon. xoxo

Quick before i go...

i don't need more

time.


the intentions i had been carrying next to my heart for those 2 weeks before i showed you last weekend..were intentions i knew would come true because i willed them. thank you for letting me share them with you and for being a part of them...for being them.




(i know its a silly band but i like them and there words..and i want you to hear them as if speak them to you)

i sooo love

kissing you

and i need ...

to see the roots pulled from the ground... that we have been trying to put firmly and gently underground with so many fits and starts....















and like a bebe shoot wanting to grow



























i know that trust will take time to build again. And like the bebe shoot i know it is tender and needs attention and love and care to grow strong to weather the storm. and i look forward to tending to this garden.

and i am blessed that you are with me in this endeavor.

I do need.....

i do need to hear that you are sorry. i am learning to state my needs.




I am also learning that this is something that is going to loom over me for awhile. Everyday.
I know you know what it's like. So I don't have to explain. I want to move through it- but it may take time.
As this settles into me, I am learning how it affects me in lots of new ways.

I Am

I am learning. And I know you are too.

I know...

I know its kind of silly. I know its only ink on a whiteboard. I know its just a symbol.

But for me sigils are powerful things. And I didnt keep it by my heart yesterday- and that sucks- because i wish I would have.

I want to be, and I am, those three things. Strong, Gentle, and True.

It wont all be fixed in a day.....but I do feel like we are on the path.

35mm

So I developed those 2 disposables.....

And to my surprise, they both were from interesting start times. One of them had some photos of my christmas this year, a little LOF, and some other stuff.
The other one had some pictures from my vacation two winters ago- from the cruise.

I just chose a few to throw up here. But I would like to share the other ones with you later too!


I remember taking this photo so i could share my xmas tree with you!
Did you take a 35mm photo of your xmas tree this year? Lemme know. I have an idea!


Silly picture of me in bathroom at my parents


Sunset in excelsior on the frozen lake. This is what I used to look at when I was working at that movie theater....


Just a little closer....just a little closer......



LOF


Our Bowls! I'm sorry you broke yours! :( Sad face. :(

not moving too fast.....

but not moving too slow either...

setting my intentions...

and carrying them next to my heart.

closer still....

and rising more....and feeling the freedom and release more day by day. ahhhh

I am also very glad....

I am glad that each day has new beginnings. I am glad we can be re:born each day if we so choose.
I am glad that the sun goes round, and so does the moon.

im beginning to beelieve that sometimes....

.. this is the only way to solve a problem

thank god...

for new days and new possibilities...so grateful to have so many with you.

ahhhh

.....exhale