looking forward to this world,
the other side
and beyond!

convulsions of Rejoice

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”

--Washington Irving

i'll bee there................................
........waiting for you!

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”....-rumi

and this i know to be so true... for as the more thankful i become toward everything in my life, esp your understanding, even when feeling crazy or angry, i am blessed with an abundance of love and peacefulness from all the life around me.

namaste

Extended Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle- acceptance

When i tried to avoid pain and discomfort  this year i was attempting the impossible and I doomed myself to fail and did nothing but create even more pain and suffering for myself and for the people I love. I am at a place of feeling acceptance for all that I have brought upon me in an understanding that a large part of achieving happiness so that i can move beyond this even in the face of all i have done wrong is accepting the good as well as the bad. Facing the realities so that I can change and make amends as I learn from all that has happened at my owns hands. 

I am my own demon, i get that now and I now understand that I am my own medicine too if I start with accepting what I have done, sitting with it and understanding it is a part of me, not one that i want but not one i can just make go away..it's like fear,  I have to work to understand it and work to not have it be a prominent part of my life by not ignoring it or denying it exists but accepting it and working it into my reality so its not powerful and damaging to myself and especially others. 

Extended Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle- anger

The first snow of the season is sticking today. The day before Winter Solstice. I am so thankful it has taken so long into the year for this to happen as now the streets will be even harder to live on and I can only imagine how difficult it is without having to worry about the extremes of winter.....and now is where i pick up my project with more frequency in hopes that I can, with the help of many others, assist in bringing a moment of ease to someone's discomfort. 

tending

to myself...so that i may better tend to the needs of others i hope to share and grow with. xo

This is me...explaining and apologizing to the wise old willow that i up rooted and cut down with my own bare hands of what i am attempting to do...and that is to slow it all down, yes even more, so that i can tend to myself and the realities of what this year has been and to marinade in the pathes i have taken. Without this time i fear i may make choices not based on fully understanding what it is that i want and need. And i know that i need to do this in order to understand what it is i really need for my heart, mind and soul. My numbness and shutting down this year lead me to make very few choices- that hurt others, silence lead to me stunt myself, my voice and my needs and follow false paths. Impulse lead me to make very bad choices without looking ahead to what they could have cost me in the long run and what they did cost me in the present. Risk taught me to learn lessons that were not well thought out so that I now have to face the consequences of them. This, all of this, has slowed me down. Grounding is what i need now to face the road ahead so that i take the next steps with confidence and courage so that i may love to the full capacity of my heart.
I know the old wise willow understands and will be patient with me with gentle love and kindness as I pause on my path at his base and reflect long and hard on what it is i need to do. I know i may lose much from this choice if i do not move quickly, but i also have faith that i will gain much more if i take all the time i know my heart now needs. i have rushed her when there is no such thing as rushing a heart, and i have even tried to stunt her and ask her not to love after working my life to open her up to the glory and love i knew her capable of. my ego was trying to take control these times in acts of arrogance for i now know there is no way to rush her, to ask her to love or not love for that matter. all i can work on now is accepting what she feels and finding places for that amazing love to reside inside of me without trying to control or confine or box or have knowns when there are none. that is the gift i plan to give her, that she deserves, that i deserve..and i have faith in the divine that this is the path for me to walk right now. aho

Get well, my moon